Saturday, July 7, 2018

N-bomes, Astral Projection and the follies of youth (The Weirdness)

The first subtle feelings of "The Weirdness" a distinct, yet completely alien feeling no matter how many times I stood face to face with it, were starting to make themselves known about half-way through my first cigarette of the evening.

"Feelin anything yet man?" Alan asked before cracking open a beer and land firmly in the beat-to-hell beanbag chair opposite me.

His words were miles away. Morphing into distorted caricatures of themselves following each syllable as the meat that formed my brain tissue did the same.

This all happened a while ago. I can't bring myself to remember a lot of the specifics these days. Suffice to say, I was young and  painfully naive then. Nativity that manifested itself in eating a strip of "acid" and hoping for the best.

"Gah, this stuff tastes like garbage. You're sure its legit?"

"What? Oh... yeah, it's all good." I said none the wiser. Not caring as much for the scholarly, pedantic research that goes hand in hand reckless drug abuse, 20 year old me really was none the wiser...

Sights and sounds continued merging into multiple unconscious forces. The sound of chirping insects and other forms of things unseen merged into a symphony rivaling the best of anything in the last 4 or so centuries of Western music. The trip was in full swing when something unexpected happened.

"What does it all mean?" the the disembodied voice asked me.

Stereotypical as this question may be for any white, middle class burn out, something about it hit me to my core signalling an existential dread that it would a good 5 or so more years for me to truly appreciate. I closed my eyes and was whisked away to an infinite plan of outer worlds.

"What does it all mean?" I yelled. Flying from one planet to another. I saw quite a lot during this time. Some things I'd care not mention. War, famine, a myriad of civilizations rising and falling. Some ascending to heights of conquest I'd only ever glimpsed brief, vicarious notions of courtesy of my favorite sc-fi authors.

"What does it all mean" I screamed at the top of my lungs. The trails of the nocturnal cacophony which had started back on earth outside of Alan's father's garage following me. Taking on a life of its own, reaching a crescendo to end all crescendos and then... Silence. Stillness. My entire field of vision, all points of reference everything I'd known to be not only human but to exist in totality, vanished.

"My child," a voice rang out soon after literally everything I'd known dissolved into white.

"You are spending too much time in this world... seeking ours."

I looked up with newly formed eyes at three large beings. Heads hung low, dressed in robes of light dwarfing my body and demanding my mind's attention.

" are loved. Your time... will come." They spoke in unison the echoes of their voice sending chills into every fiber of my being.

"You are loved."

I opened my eyes, stared at my hands and and saw Alan's father's garage come back into focus. Lateralus played quietly in the background, ("Black then white are all I see.") Alan was still sitting on the chair opposite me nursing a beer.

"What... what the fuck just happened man?!?" I asked surprised at my ability to form words into anything resembling coherent syntax.

"I'm definitely feelin it now man. Needed to put on some music and chill for a bit ya know."

"Oh... yeah sure."

I sat down and looked around. The dancing trails of light and mild synesthesia stuck around while I drank the rest of the night away. Many years and many brushes "The Weirdness" after and I still have a hard time putting that quiet summer night at edge of existence into words.... Stay safe. Stay humble and remember that you are loved.

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