Thursday, June 15, 2017

Sweet Dreams

"What's death like?"

"What's what now?" I asked suddenly ripped away from whatever day dream I'd gotten lost in.

"Death, you know the grand finale."

"I... uh... I don't know,"

I chuckled a little. A force of habit more than anything. A little nervous laughter to complement an already morbid sense of humor... It comes in handy every once in a while.

Amy's hands never wavered when she prepped a shot. There wasn't a single part of the sacrament that was wasted. Mathematical in her precision she mixed it, drew it up and after a quick the drop of a cotton managed to hit 70 cc's every time.

"I wish you wouldn't do that."

We used to fight about it. Crack and dope weren't my cup of tea back then. I liked my blend of big pharama cocktails washed down with... cocktails. I was younger then... young enough to be arrogant. Never predicting that I'd eventually fall to the same poison(s) that kept my lover alive (a steady diet of coke, benzos and the rush of the needle) but love is a crazy thing on its own and ours was made all the crazier with the addition of our extracurricular activities.

"I don't..."

Her eyes widened and rolled to the back of her head. She slumped down in "THE CHAIR" (a giant overstuffed monstrosity that our meth-head neighbors had dumped in the alley before getting evicted) and shook a little bit before finishing her sentence.

"I don't get shit from smoking it anymore and it's not like spikes are bad... well not as bad as people say. The media twists shit around to make a quick buck and keep the population neutered. You of all people know that." she said talking faster with each breath.

"Yeah but... I don't know. Don't you ever wonder if we've taken it too far with all of this shit?"

"All the time."

"Is that why you asked... what you asked about?"

"Yeah, sort of. I've always been curious. Like, is this it. Is this the pinnacle of our existence? If it is, shouldn't we push it as far as it can go?"

"Huh, that's a tough one."

I thought about that night on my way to the hospital. One of the many vignettes that played on an endless, cracked movie reel in the back of my head. I'd blown a .3 and eaten some ambien... maybe with a hydrocodone or 2 thrown in there, to forget about things like that. The last memory I had before blacking out in the ER. The paramedics had told me that I'd come "close to death."

"Close huh?" I managed to slur out after (kind of) coming to.

"Well, I guess it wasn't close enough... She got... "I paused to burp

"Closer than I ever could."


"Someone I used to know."

"You need to get some rest." The paramedic had now morphed into a homely looking nurse that had me hooked up to a myriad of wires.

"I hope you found what you were looking for," I whispered before drifting off again.

"I really... really do."



  1. This was an interesting and entertainingly morbid read. I was a little confused about the ending-- is it still a flashback to when he was in the hospital?

  2. Thank you! and yeah, the transition is a little jarring. Main character/myself (only kind of most of my stuff is based on true events) had the flashback while he was on his way to the hospital. Really glad you enjoyed it in any case :)