"There are final hits and there are final hits."
- Irvine Welsh
Hit the pipe for the first time in a long time. A familiar taste (lodged somewhere between battery acid and burnt plastic) followed by a burst of power long reserved for the Gods... and a lot of people would be much better off if it had stayed that way. Prometheus' gift of fire came with more of a price than his liver paid... Shit, rambling on and on and on. This is some gooood stuff but it's just the first hit. We'll see how it goes from here.
M comes over. Green eyes, legs for days and hair that reflects the sun bringing an iridescent hope inside the the blacked out windows of my apartment. We're each other's soulmates. That's the mutual conclusion we came to one day after running into each other at some dive bar and fucking in the bathroom on an acid/coke "flip" (whatever the kids are calling it these days). Friendship, romance, most people's ideas of "love" (however lofty and/or naive) don't fit what we have but whatever it is possesses us when we're together and rips holes in our piles of fucked up brain-matter when we're apart. We blow a couple lines and suck back the sweet, sweet drip in unison, before busting out the ball gag.
As I enter her. Divinity (or you know... something like that) enters me. Another form of dark beauty not meant for mere mortals. We taste all manner of forbidden fruit in each other's meat and ingest our sacrament as needed. She snorts lines and I hit the pipe... not even
Water, water, water, water, water. Gotta stay hydrated.
11:00 AM - 3:00 PM
The next few hours are a blur. I smell like sex, stale cigs and cheap beer. M is frantically lacing up her combat boots and fidgeting with her skirt. Something about having to pick up her kid.
"I'll be back," She said.
Her voice like autumn leaves. A cloud of cigarette smoke followed her whispers out the door.
I'm alone for the time being. I pinch off some dope, swirl the pipe over the flame, inhale... exxxxhale. We'll see where this leads.
3:12 PM- Uh...???
Through me you enter into the city of woes
Through me you enter into eternal pain,
Through me you enter the population of loss.
. . .
Abandon all hope, you who enter here.
- Dante Alighieri
Shit what time is it? 6,7, 8 when? What day? Oh well.
"Who's there?!?!" I yell over the white noise illuminating my television set. The South Park DVD I'd put in a while ago had run it's course. The first tingles of paranoia are setting in. Coded messages buried somewhere in the TV snow. No.. No! Fuck that. I need to sleep. I have a few 25mg Hydroxyzine and half a Seroquel. It'll have to do.
? - 8:04 PM
"Hey it's M."
"Oh... hey, C'mon in..."
I ease out of my pharma-nap and unlock the door.
"You okay man? I have subs."
"Nah, I'm good. Already knocked myself out a bit ago... Be careful with those. Like... don't get hooked. Coming off that shit is murder."
"Eh, dude owed me and didn't have any glass. Had to settle for em. I'm not a huge fan but it's sort of nice to chill out instead of... well you know, the other thing."
She plops down on the sofa and we hold each other close. Melting into the lower-middle-class fabric of my humble abode.
Well, that didn't last long. Off and running again. Snuggling led to more sex. Sex led to an undisclosed amount of methamphetamines. Rinse and repeat.
"Jesus..." M sighs. I give her short which she happily accepts. I sniff a line off the of her left breast before we collapse into each other again.
"I wonder what the neighbors are up too."
"What?" She asks (though she probably knows full well where this is going).
"I.. uh, I don't know. They've had their lights on for a long time now. I just...wonder."
"Darling... might it possibly be time for some more Seroquel?"
"No, no. I took the last of that a while ago," I said robotically. My eyes peering from the tiny, tiny, tiny creek I'd strategically made in blanket reinforced shade, locked on the neighbors patio.
"I should go..."
"Hey no, no. You don't have to do that."
"I have to work in the morning... and probably sleep. Be careful okay."
My laser-beam focus momentarily broken.
"Yeah, yeah of course."
She kissed me on the forehead, picked up her purse.
"I'll call you before I go into work. Please... please be careful. I mean last time... with the hospital and everything."
"It's cool," I said.
"It WON"T be like that ever again. Trust me. I've got a system."
"Okay," she chuckled.
I was alone again... God damn, I can't let it be like last time. I smoke the last crumbs I managed to scrape from my ever-dwindling bag and brace myself for the crash. The euphoria is long gone. It's getting harder to write this down. Keeping track of it all is.. exhausting. Signing off for now. Sweet dreams.